break up

She broke up with me.
I've never been broken up with before. Ever.

Wake Up Call

I discovered these images today. The artist is Hu Ming. You can see her website here. In an essay about her work, the scholar Mabel Lee denies any lesbian content: "Hu Ming's women in this series of works are sensual but in no sense erotic, nor are they confronting. Beautiful breasts and beautiful buttocks are portrayed, but in frontal depictions the lower abdomen is always discretely covered. What exudes from these works is an unmistakable exuberance for life."

 Hu Ming, Wake up Call, 140 x 106 cm, Oil on Canvas, 2007

Checking in with myself

Well. First entry.

I've been meaning to write about this. So that I don't forget. So that others can read it and not feel as alone as I've felt. It shouldn't be confusing. It is not confusing for everyone. For me, I feel like it's a bit messy. There is joy. So it's not so bad. I can handle it. I just need to communicate about it. No one feels safe enough. Every one has their agenda. I worry that my straight friends would feel that I'm betraying my husband--who is their friend too and who is much loved. My lesbian friends have too much invested in my 'coming out' and their hope that I would leave my husband. I have a million acquaintances. I know a pretty good number of queers, but no one is safe enough; non-judgmental or non-controlling and non-invested or in this sensitive situation.